I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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