Your mouth is God's brothel.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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