I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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