Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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