I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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