I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
