No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Randomize
