Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
