I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize