His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
