I met the friendliest cop last night
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
