the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
