i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
