If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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