how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
