you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
