God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
