apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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