Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
