I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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