Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
