I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
