What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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