respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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