considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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