hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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