i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
