if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
