she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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