PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
