Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
