whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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