forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
