glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
