very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
