You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
