and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize