ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
