Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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