Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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