you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
