the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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