Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
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