my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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