just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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