Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
