So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
