Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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