maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
