So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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