at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
