You're my little dorito
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
