Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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