he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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