Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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