My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
