Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
two words...techno handjob
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
