it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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