i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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