well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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