so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
