my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Oh god it's open bar.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
