I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
