he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I enjoy the company of your penis
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