lets start a swedish sibling band together
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
