Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You are a genius and a whore.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
