We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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