I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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