you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
