never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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