He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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