Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
