the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
