Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
