cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
