We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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