Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
