so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
