last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize